Where did the year go?

This time last year I was anxiously waiting to have our baby boy. From what other first-time mom's I know have mentioned about their feelings close to delivering, my feelings were pretty much in line with being normal. I was nervous about the pain of labor and delivery. All I knew was what I had seen depicted in movies...women screaming and writhing in pain, yelling at their husbands "You did this to me!", a statement I don't quite understand because it takes two to make a baby. But, I guess when you're in unimaginable amounts of pain, all bets are off on being rational. That scared me...I didn't want to be an irrational, screaming, maniac.

I was nervous about motherhood. The thought of being responsible for another human being who was helpless and depended solely on me was terrifying. How could the hospital so casually send me home with my newborn baby after only a couple days? Wasn't this reckless of them? I didn't know what I was doing! I've killed just about every goldfish and houseplant I've ever owned. How could they expect me to keep a little human alive and healthy?

I was nervous about knowing if I was in labor or not (and I have two false alarm visits to the hospital to prove it). I know women who were in labor and didn't know they were. What if that were me? What if I had unknowingly been in labor and then ended up having my baby at home without any help. And don't tell me that this fear was irrational because it happens!

I was nervous about whether my baby was healthy. Would there be any complications with him? Had he developed normally? Had I done enough during pregnancy to help him be healthy and develop normal?

All of these feelings were consuming my mind a year ago at this time. Bottom line though is that I just worry too much. I guess if I had been a screaming maniac in the delivery room, my husband loves me enough to forgive me. I've decided keeping a baby alive is much easier than keeping a goldfish or a houseplant alive because of how much more a baby means to you. If I had delivered him at home, it wouldn't have been ideal, but then again lots of people have done that too and been fine. And last, I needed to remind myself that when it comes to babies health, things more often are right than they are wrong.

Words cannot express the way we feel about our son. Being parents is the greatest adventure we have had or ever will have. He is the smallest thing we have poured our entire lives into and we didn't realize how incomplete our lives were before he came along. He is our greatest treasure! He fills our home with joy, love and laughter and we are forever grateful Heavenly Father trusted us enough to send him to our family and grateful that we didn't allow fear to hold us back from the opportunity of being parents. We are looking forward to what the next year has in store for our family!