You Never Know: A Response from a Different Mother

The other evening, I was working on some spreadsheets for the business when the house was nice and quiet. If you know me, then you would know I'm slightly prone to being A.D.D. so of course I was simultaneously looking at Facebook as well when a new Mormon Message popped up on my news feed titled "You Never Know" (found here). So I clicked it, and began watching. Pretty soon I realized how significant this particular Mormon Message was for me.  It was so significant in fact that 3 hours later my husband sent me a private message with a link to the same video. He knew what I had been struggling with inwardly for months and knew the video would speak volumes to my heart...and boy did it!

So naturally, I had to share this video on my own wall. However, when I did I had a response from a friend with a differing opinion than me. She felt extremely angry and sad while watching it and felt that it sent a strong message that we should never say "No" to people when asked to do things. I thought about her comments for a moment. I could tell she wasn't trying to be a troll on Facebook and that her comments were very genuine from her. She even went so far as to tell me that I could delete her comments if they offended me. Well, I'm not easily offended so that wasn't going to happen. And I am the type of person who enjoys to hear differing opinions so I thought about her response for a minute and tried to understand her perspective. I saw where she was coming from and so I wondered why would I feel so profoundly different?

I gathered my thoughts and came up with this response:

"... I would never delete your comments. We're all entitled to our own opinions. Let me tell you why this video touched me though...and this is literally just what I got from it...it doesn't mean it applies to anyone else. For the last 3-4 months I have been so consumed with daily lists. Projects around my house, deep cleaning, organizing, "Pinterest projects", making my life so over complicated that I have forgotten what was important. Yes, I agree with you 100% that we as mothers NEED time for ourselves or we'll literally end up in the psych ward. With that said, I think we need to choose wisely what we do with our time so that when the time comes to allow ourselves the rejuvenation time, that the most important things (e.i. our children, families and those in need of service) are taken care of and we can truly relax.

I sobbed as I watched this video because I feel like it was made just for me. At the end of the day, all these "projects" that have been consuming my life could potentially be directing me from more important endeavors. We are the Saviors hands here on earth and I believe He is depending on us to physically, emotionally, and mentally help those who are in need. Does this mean we should be martyrs and sacrifice our own sanity, health and well-being to put others first. Absolutely not! But does it mean that we need to prioritize our lives into "Good", "Better" and "Best"? I think so. I think we need to let the "good" and "better" activities wait until the "best" ones are taken care of. That is my opinion. And I'm not suggesting either that you should never say "No" because sometimes you just can't have one more thing added to your plate. But I feel this video was trying to help us understand that sometimes when our days are filled with insignificant "lists", then we could possibly be missing out on wonderful opportunities to help those in need. And then hopefully, when the time comes that you are the person in need, someone else can put their list aside to be that person for you as well."

Fast forward to now, 2:00 A.M.on a Sunday morning. I am wide awake and I can't sleep. During this time I came across another article a friend posted that caught my eye titled "You Never Know: A Response from a Mother" (found here). Once again, as I read this article I found many valid points. I TOTALLY GET IT! We as women tend to sacrifice ourselves and our own sanity all for the sake of others. We sometimes have no idea how to say "no" and that can be a problem. 

While thinking about the content of this article, a talk came to my mind by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He sums it up perfectly in his talk "Forget Me Not" (found here) when he told us to never forget the difference between a GOOD sacrifice and a FOOLISH sacrifice. He said:

"An acceptable sacrifice is when we give up something good for something of far greater worth.

Giving up a little sleep to help a child who is having a nightmare is a good sacrifice. We all know this. Staying up all night, jeopardizing our own health, to make the perfect accessory for a daughter’s Sunday outfit may not be such a good sacrifice.

Dedicating some of our time to studying the scriptures or preparing to teach a lesson is a good sacrifice. Spending many hours stitching the title of the lesson into homemade pot holders for each member of your class perhaps may not be.

Every person and situation is different, and a good sacrifice in one instance might be a foolish sacrifice in another.

How can we tell the difference for our own situation? We can ask ourselves, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?” There are so many good things to do, but we can’t do all of them. Our Heavenly Father is most pleased when we sacrifice something good for something far greater with an eternal perspective. Sometimes, that may even mean nurturing small but beautiful forget-me-not flowers instead of a large garden of exotic blooms."

I would never intend on offending someone from this blog post. I fully understand that what is most important to me, may not be most important to someone else. And we are certainly all entitled to our own opinions. With that said, do I think for even a second that the Church was trying to tell women to be martyrs from this video and to sacrifice their sanity, health, well-being and patience in order to fulfill service for others? No. And that is what really bothers me about the article. Instead of seeing the video for what it was intended to be, all of the small details within the video have been taken out of context and warped. The point of the video is that our "to-do lists" can be bringing us down. When we fill our lives with so many activities and projects and errands we aren't allowing ourselves to be the Saviors hands. When we become so busy that providing an act of service for someone in need seems impossible, maybe it's time to ditch the "to-do list", or at least simplify it.

I have often wondered when the day comes and I pass on from this life, what some of the questions my Savior will be asking me. I envision sitting  across a desk from him, like a interview, and being asked questions about what I did here on earth to qualify me to be able to live with my Heavenly Father and Savior again. And when I think about this, I don't think He will ask me how much time I was able to have to myself and relax. I don't think He will ask me whether my house was immaculately clean all the time. I'm positive He won't ask me how many Pinterest projects I successfully completed. I believe He will ask if my children were taken care of. Did I do my best to teach them? Did they know they could rely on me as their mother? Who did I help in need? Who's burden was I able to lift through service? Was I a patient mom? Did my children know I had a testimony of the Gospel? Did I take care of myself physically and spiritually? Did I commit my time and energies to the things that mattered most?

We often don't know how our acts of service affect others. But I believe that one day we will know, even if it's not in this life. And we will realize the life-changing impacts we've had on others. In my opinion we will also realize the things we sacrificed were of a far lesser value than what was gained by those we served.